Tommy Dorfman

The "13 Reasons Why" star said her fiancée was the first woman she had been with in a "very long time."

"I think I got married for safety, because it felt safe in a world that was ever changing," she told Bilson. And for the most part, putting it into my work." "It's kind of alien, and it's incredibly autonomous. All the universal feelings of being in love that are probably the same," she said. "I had this unresolved, unexplored thing. Also not safe, and like being in love is so scary.

Tommy — who played Ryan Shaver in the popular Netflix series — reintroduced herself as a transgender woman in July of last year.

[Submit it here](https://tips.buzzfeed.com) [Stephanie Soteriou](/author/stephaniesoteriou) at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).

Tommy Dorfman announced she's engaged to “a gay girl” after previously being married to Peter Zurkuhlen for five years before deciding to divorce in 2022.

[came out as a transgender woman](https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2021/07/tommy-dorfman-comes-out-as-trans-woman-time-interview-13-reasons-why) in an interview for the cover of Time magazine, explaining that her transition had understandably shifted the dynamics of her marriage. I spent 28 years of my life suicidal and depressed and recovering from alcoholism and drug addiction. As a result of that shift, the types of romantic partnerships I seek out are different,” she explained. They wed the following year in November 2016 in a small ceremony held in Portland, Maine. [Broad Ideas](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tommy-dorfman/id1625760667?i=1000576099281) that she's in love and engaged. While Dorfman didn't share any details about the identity of her new partner, referring to her as “just a gay girl,” she did add that their relationship has been “very affirming” and she feels completely ready to “spend the rest of [her] life” with her.

Tommy Dorfman announced her engagement on Rachel Bilson's Broad Ideas podcast and shared what inspired her to start dating women.

I was like, 'This is the year that I'm gonna go on some dates with girls and feel that out again, and not feel ashamed about it.'" "It's very affirming," she continued. "Then she was out of town and we FaceTimed and she walked me through it." In the conversation, Dorfman, 30, didn't reveal the identity of her partner, saying only that she's "just a gay girl." Dorfman also disclosed that her fiancée is an Aries before speaking of her best characteristics. [Peter Zurkuhlen](https://people.com/tv/tommy-dorfman-husband-says-he-has-so-much-love-for-his-partner-after-she-comes-out-as-a-trans-woman/).

She also opened up about how 13 Reasons Why delayed her decision to come out as trans.

“When it came to anything around dysphoria or gender or stuff that had already been really present, I was like, ‘Nope, that's not for now, I'm working.’” I was like, ‘This is the year that I’m gonna go on [some dates](http://pride.com/celebrities/2020/8/26/jacob-elordi-kissed-tommy-dorfman-now-internet-going-crazy) with girls and feel that out again, and not feel ashamed about it.’”

I fell in love with someone who doesn't fetishize me,” said “13 Reasons Why” star Tommy Dorfman, who recently reintroduced herself as a trans woman.

“I made decisions that were just not aligned with how I really was or what I wanted — but out of fear.” “I kind of got stuck in time for a minute ... If not for her professional commitment to that show, Dorfman said, she “would’ve started transitioning a lot sooner.” “She knew how, so she did it for me the first time,” Dorfman said. It turns out “those were the people who cared the least.” so much because I was so insular and private during my transition that I wasn’t out in the world.

'13 Reasons Why' star Tommy Dorfman talks about her new fiance and how she might have transitioned earlier if she didn't book her role on the Netflix ...

I feel how I think I was always supposed to feel.” I felt it hit, and I was like, ‘Let’s ride,’” she explained. Dorfman, who has chronicled her transition on social media, previously said her decision was spurred during the pandemic following a Calvin Klein campaign in New York for Pride. I made decisions that were just not aligned with how I really was or what I wanted — but out of fear.” “And as the testosterone leaves my body, I feel so much better. She compares the experience to her first year of sobriety while explaining that at least part of why she decided to transition only just last year was due in part to her work in Hollywood, and more specifically, her role on 13 Reasons Why. Then it was like, boom!” “I think if I hadn’t booked that job I would have transitioned a lot sooner,” Dorfman explained. That’s weird.’ The acting was the only way I could feel things until I started transitioning. “For me, I always felt like other people had a guidebook for life that I just did not [have],” she continued. During the conversation, Dorfman — who divorced from her husband of six years, Peter Zurkuhlen, last year — confirmed she is engaged to a woman, though she did not identify her. “I can sleep now.

As Dorfman shared on the podcast hosted by The OC's Rachel Bilson, she didn't feel like it was the right time to transition while starring in the show out of “ ...

You can watch all seasons of 13 Reasons Why and the new Umbrella Academy season with a [Netflix subscription](https://www.cinemablend.com/streaming-news/netflix-subscription-the-plans-the-price-and-whats-included). However, once the show ended, Dorfman could finally move on and [do new things like the rest of the 13 Reasons Why cast](https://www.cinemablend.com/television/2548359/what-netflixs-13-reasons-why-cast-is-doing-next). Trans actor Elliot Page came out months prior to Tommy Dorfman with The Umbrella Academy series still in full swing. As the actress continues to remain authentic about her identity and her journey thus far, Dorfman spoke to how starring in 13 Reasons Why actually affected her transition. [faced a number of controversies over the years](https://www.cinemablend.com/television/2548295/a-guide-to-13-reasons-why-controversies-including-season-4), a time in her life when she felt somewhat “stuck in time” because so much of her focus was on being part of the series. At the same time, Dorfman also got honest with these words:

"13 Reasons Why" actor Tommy Dorfman says she's engaged and "in love."

The star said that when she and her fiancée first met, they would initially send each other tons of songs — at least one of which was by Blossom Dearie, a popular jazz musician in the late 1950s and 1960s. “I probably got married for the first time, now reflecting on it, for safety," she said in the podcast. I view today as a reintroduction to me as a woman, having made a transition medically. Today is about clarity: I am a trans woman,” she explained. The couple separated in June 2021, according to the filing. News](https://www.eonline.com/news/1318354/tommy-dorfman-and-husband-peter-zurkuhlen-divorcing-after-5-years-of-marriage) at the time.

'13 Reasons Why' star Tommy Dorfman opened up to Rachel Bilson about her career affected her transition.

And now she's able to integrate her gender and her work; she appears in Lena Dunham's upcoming feature, Sharp Stick, in her first female role. “When it came to anything around dysphoria or gender or stuff that had already been really present, I was like: ‘Nope, that’s not for now. For Tommy Dorfman, a role on the hit Netflix drama 13 Reasons Why was a career boon but a personal challenge.

The actress didn't reveal much about her partner, though, opting to identify her fiancée solely as “a gay girl” and an Aries. “I fell in love with someone who ...

“In my head, I was like 'Oh no, if I transition, do I tell people that I might just be a lesbian or bisexual, are any of my girlfriends ever going to trust me again.” I always had that feeling.” But upon transition, she realized that she is “totally meant for this body and meant for this time and meant for this world.' I just was wearing a sweater that was three sizes too small — for 28 years,” which is an apt description of dysphoria if ever we’ve heard one. [announced in February](https://people.com/tv/tommy-dorfman-and-husband-divorcing-5-years-marriage-breakup/). [In her own words,](https://www.tiktok.com/@tommy.dorfman/video/7087308414417784107?_d=secCgYIASAHKAESPgo8EEm8EwQazc809JYWnV78XUBOeoYwcM3DkXXAINT42k7k8KiIAcEYyPETg2CKcUQrXqP%2F6UbJRf3W5k40GgA%3D&_r=1&checksum=490f36d1069d48b1a4beb231451cf8d7867e8de6e4af1d6c6a99ef919f695bf6&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7087308414417784107&language=en&preview_pb=0&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAA_bf_vD1WwbEOSDPKqH6WQ60gt7_-48p3G3hNLM1I59aEUKT1PlFff9pNfepXjkMU&share_app_id=1233&share_item_id=7087308414417784107&share_link_id=D63D0CCB-EA33-4E78-87F8-740F0AD85F59&source=h5_m×tamp=1650331237&tt_from=copy&u_code=d3k9aem9aefkm0&user_id=6637664796416704517&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=copy) she went from identifying as a gay man to a nonbinary person to a straight trans woman to a trans lesbian. “If I hadn’t booked that job, I would have started transitioning a lot sooner,” Dorfman said. The actress didn’t reveal much about her partner, though, opting to identify her fiancée solely as “a gay girl” and an Aries.

Dorfman said she's met "the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with."

By embracing her gender and identity, she quickly found herself falling for someone who loves her for the way she is, Dorfman explained. Dorfman also expressed her feelings about her new love, calling it “safe” and “not safe” at the same time. Then she was out of town and we FaceTimed and she walked me through it.” All the universal feelings of being in love that are probably the same,” Dorfman said. In the episode that premiered Monday, the 13 Reasons Why actress playfully called her partner “just a gay girl.” [Tommy Dorfman](https://www.advocate.com/transgender/2021/7/22/13-reasons-why-star-tommy-dorfman-comes-out-trans) announced she is engaged.

The 30-year-old actor starred as classmate Ryan Shaver in the 2017 series, which follows the aftermath of high-schooler Hannah Baker's (Katherine Langford) ...

[Terms of use,](https://www.independent.co.uk/service/user-policies-a6184151.html) [Cookie policy](https://www.independent.co.uk/service/cookie-policy-a6184186.html) and [Privacy notice.](https://www.independent.co.uk/service/privacy-policy-a6184181.html) Today is about clarity: I am a trans woman. [Privacy policy](https://policies.google.com/privacy?hl=en) and [Terms of service](https://policies.google.com/terms?hl=en) apply. “I think if I hadn’t booked that job I would have transitioned a lot sooner,” she reflected. “Coming out is always viewed as this grand reveal, but I was never not out. My pronouns are she/her. [Dorfman reintroduced herself as a trans woman in July 2021](https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/tommy-dorfman-trans-13-reasons-why-b1888828.html) in a [Time](https://time.com/6081874/tommy-dorfman-interview/) interview with author Torrey Peters.